Mommy always told me that it wasn’t worth it. I remember her holding me with tears falling on my forehead. She told me sex wasn’t worth the heartache. Mommy’s words burned into my soul. Her life was an open book to read and she’d teach me that her relationship struggles weren’t okay. Mommy wanted the best for me and I owed it to her to respect and love myself.
Daddy would let me sit in the front seat, no seat belt on and the music bumping. His lessons where always filled with laughter. My head would bop with his to the rhythm of the beat; I can still hear my barrettes click clacking. He told me that if a boy only called me and wanted to see me at night, I wasn’t his only girl. He also taught me that nighttime calls where “booty calls.” Daddy didn’t care how young I was. My 8-year-old ears sucked in the wisdom of his advice.
My parent’s played a major role in my decision to abstain from sex till marriage. I commend them for being real and speaking to me in a language I understood. They were teenagers when I was born and I have no memory of them being together as a couple. That was reason number one; I hated living in two households and decided that my children will have committed parents that love each other. If I could encourage any young lady I would tell them to commit to their desires now. As a child I didn’t know much but I was aware of what felt good and what felt bad. Love, marriage and family were things that made me feel good while rejection, insecurity and instability where experiences I wanted to protect my future children from.
I was introduced to God from birth but it wasn’t till my parents rededicated their lives to Him that I understood spiritual relationship. When I became friends with God around 10-12 years old, He became the second reason why I waited for marriage. God’s love was a mystery that stole my heart. I used to sneak and talk to boys on the phone, meet up with them at the mall, and danced at parties. But the pain I felt afterwards at church or when my parents caught me, became bigger than the attention I wanted. God’s opinion of me began to matter more. I was rejected and made fun of for being a “good girl,” but something inside told me to stay true. It took a couple of tries but God removed friends who didn’t have the same interests as me. It wasn’t till I started college that God sent lifelong sisters who respected my choice to remain a virgin and where in love with God as much as I was. I believe that whom we choose to spend time with makes a difference in the person we become and I thank God for that lesson.
Meeting my husband was a true fairytale. My husband and I were actually classmates in elementary school and reconnected on Facebook. When our conversation transformed into romantic interests, there was no holding back on what I wanted in a relationship. I was honest about being a virgin, my morals as a Christian and desire to get married one day. My identity didn’t push Otis away; instead he gained more interest. Otis didn’t pressure me to be something I wasn’t, he saw the beauty in my decision and wore it as a badge of honor when he introduced me to his family. Eventually my goal to remain abstinent became his goal and we embarked on a five-year journey together. Our relationship was far from perfect and I will admit that sexual sin is real. Although we never had sex before marriage, it was difficult to remain pure from ages 18-24. There were also times when we broke up out of fear that I was choosing Otis over God. I’m grateful for my husband’s patience because I was always on the phone crying, telling him “I think God wants us to take a break.” Spiritual balance is a significant part of any God based relationship.
My story is true with plenty of imperfections. But my life goal is to tell other women their worth the wait. We are God’s prized possessions, our bodies are valuable and everyone is not worthy of our time. I want women to be proud of their beliefs. Real men desire a confident woman and Godly men will recognize that your worth makes their life more valuable. You are bella, I am bella, and with God all things are possible.