Life OVER Death

I hit a time in my life when I really prayed to God to take my life, I did not want to live any more, I hated how I looked and most of all how I felt... I was filled up with anger over my failures and regrets things I have done and could not take back, emotion scares that I couldn't remove... I did not know how to let go or how to move on and even more how to become free.. I was watching a movie of a cutting her wrist and plotted mentally on giving that a try and would it remove my inward pain.... Friends had failed me and family failed me... Relationship I had been in made me feel as low as the ground we walk on and as dirty as the dirty we spit on.... I would shower and get angry that I couldn't wash off my failures. Couldn't sleep off my pain and got tired of smiling in a life I did not want. I remember driving home across this bridge everyday and started thinking about driving my car over it, I battled that for a week straight, that last day of the week crossing that bridge I let my hands go and as the car swerved, I grabbed the wheel heart pounding drove straight home and thought next I should take some pills that way I will feel no more pain and I won't even feel it as I die.... I cried and cried and realized I needed help.. I seeked help in people who were strong where I was weak, I prayed more, I learned in time to let go my past and it will let go of me, and to lean more on God. I learned I wasn't alone and to move along and remember someone else is going threw worse, Most of all I learned I was beautiful, forgiving, free and walking in a new life.... I no longer want to die, but live. I can't take back old things from myself and others all I can do is walk into new things..... I am stronger, wiser and loving life more than ever..... I am Charity Jones and I chose LIFE OVER DEATH "I AM BELLA"